I started working out again a few months ago and noticed that every time I did, I would pee a little in pants. Sometimes more than others. I have three kids so there was no mystery as to why this was happening. I thought it was kind of funny and started taking pictures of my pee stained crotch (that I have shared in this post) and sending them to friends of mine who would undoubtedly be disgusted and then find it hilarious. To my surprise they weren’t disgusted at all. In fact, they found them all too familiar. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with leakage issues. Moms are involuntarily peeing themselves, and it’s awful and hilarious.
I figured since Mother’s Day is right around corner (May 13th, you’re welcome) now is as good a time as any to bring this disgusting little consequence of conception to light. Have you ever been somewhere with a mom and the leave abruptly? Yup. She pissed herself. Have you ever heard a laughing woman quickly stop laughing? Yup. She pissed herself. Have you ever seen a woman standing in a long bathroom line at a concert? Yup She pissed herself. Every mom you know is always peeing in her pants… just a little bit.
I used to love jumping on trampolines. Not anymore! Going for a run was a great way to relieve stress. Nope. Working out kept me in shape and gave me more energy. Now, it just gives me more laundry. And don’t get me started on jumping jacks!! I love to laugh. I mean, LOVE to laugh. A life without laughter is not a life worth living. These days my Ha Ha Ha’s are followed by Oh, Oh- No’s. And God forbid I get a cold. Between the coughing and the sneezing, I don’t own enough pairs of underwear. And something you might not realize, it doesn’t matter if she had a baby scooped out thanks to modern medicine, or shot one out the shoot the old fashioned way. Perpetuating the species fucks your plumbing up!
So, this Mother’s Day remember that in addition to doing your laundry, cooking your meals, cleaning your house, running you and/or your kids all around town, trying to take care of herself, working a Full or part-time job, and still looking bomb ass in her jeans, she is also probably walking around with a little bit of tinkle in her undies. I think the least you could do is buy a card, and say sorry for the weakened pelvic floor.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!!